For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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