how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize