She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
