I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
