we have officially lost it.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
