Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
