just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
