The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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