i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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