I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
