thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
