and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
