Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
