so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
