this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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