Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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