if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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