You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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