Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
