If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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