I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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