I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
