Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
