I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
