mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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