i just had sex bonerless
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
