I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
