I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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