I don't usually arrange sex via text message
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
