And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
