literally had 100 drinks last night.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
