i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
