Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
