Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
