fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
