Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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