i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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