How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
