i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
