I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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