Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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