so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
