Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
