D3 body, D1 cock
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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