we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
