Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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