Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
