in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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