im drinking this country out of the recession.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
