I'm so fucking centered right now
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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