i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
