I look better un-naked...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
