You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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