considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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