I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
