I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
