I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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