Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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