Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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