Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
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Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
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Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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