Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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