It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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