last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
