He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
