Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
