I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
