normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had to cum in my sink.
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