my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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