Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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