it wasn't lemon gatorade
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
