I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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