You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
